Onto The Next Parody

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This week I returned to working on Hairy Squatter. I worked out the narrator and the main comic archetype for the protagonist.

The narrator is going to be Moldywart, in first-person. He’s giving his version of events to contest the “official” version, told by the (annoying) omniscient narrator of the original. Moldywart is a Trickster and/or Lovable Scoundrel.

The protagonist, Hairy, is a Naif and a variation on the Know-It-All. He’s essentially an idiot savant. His great talent is to question the assumptions of those around him. A simpleton who sees through adult BS, without realizing it’s BS.

As the story unfolds, he’ll be deconstructing it, i.e. the original, as he’s experiencing it.

Sound odd? We’ll have to see if I can pull it off.

Here’s a list of the characters thus far:

Harry Potter — Hairy Squatter
Vernon Dursley — Vermin Worsely
Petunia Dursley — Pecuniary Worsely
Dudley Dursley — Puddley Worsely
Privet Drive — Divot Hive
Grunnings — Gruntings
Smeltings — Smellythings
Lily and James Potter — Silly and Blames Squatter
Voldemort (You-Know-Who) — Moldywart (Lefty-Pinko-Commie)
Muggles — Rubes
Albus Dumbledore — Bulbous Stumblesnore
Professor McGonagall — Teacher-Lady McGonnacrawl
Dedalus Diggle — Garrulous Giggle
Madam Pomfrey — Ma’am Pomme-frite
Hagrid — Haggis
Draco Malfoy — Fake-o Badboy
Gringotts — Greedy-for-Ingots
Ron Weasley — Wrong Measly
Hermione Granger — Amphetamine Stranger
Professor Snape — Master Crêpe
Professor Quirrell — Master Squirrel
Hogwarts — Pigzits Academy of Pseudoscience and Magical Thinking
Mrs. Norris — Ms. Noirish
Argus Filch — Arduous Filth
Mr. Ollivander — Mr. Onlyvendor
Snitch — Nark
the Sorcerer’s Stone — the Scientist’s Groan
the Mirror of Erised — The Loupe of Subtext
goblins — semites
Diagon Alley — Grub Street
Godric’s (“rules with God”) Hollow — Codlick’s Shallow

I also worked out a rough outline for the first three chapters. I want to start drafting sooner rather than later.

Next weekend? Maybe.

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler cover

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler

Another Shameless Wimpy Kid Parody
By Jest Ninney

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler is the rollicking tale of Anton Altanero, a foreign transplant with delusions of grandeur, navigating the wilds of a typical American middle school. It's Diary of a Wimpy Kid meets Scarface, without the guns but with all the greed and ambition.

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