First draft done

Last update:

I just got back from a two-week hiatus. My crappy first draft has been marinating in a series of mp3 files. I dictated the entire first draft using a Sony voice recorder.

Now I’m transcribing the audio files using a nifty piece of software called MacWhisper.

Once the transcriptions are done, I’ll copy and paste them into their appropriate text files within the Scrivener project.

Then the fun begins in earnest: producing a (slightly less) crappy second draft.

Revision. And more revision.

I plan to do this on a laptop (for the curious, a MacBook Air, circa 2015) within Scrivener itself.

I can feel that slight nerve-wracking anticipation starting to build. I’ll be doing the bulk of this revising on the night shift over the weekends.

I’m also toying with the idea of training my daughter, who’s two, using an Ikea crank timer to play on her own in ten-minute blocks during the day. While she plays, I’ll revise. Call this the toddler-pomodoro method.

We’ll see how it goes. 😜

Here’s a sample of the raw material I’m working with. And “raw” is an understatement.

Hello, my name is Lester, you don’t know me, but I’m singing this song in honor of the
second annual Marymount Middle School Med Fair.
It’s the song of my older cousin, Aaliyah, and how she became Sir Aliyah.
It’s an incredible story in honor of the Med Fair.
I’m going to sing the song now.
It all started when my family was having some trouble.
My mom sent me, had to go away for a while, and so she arranged to have me, to send me to her older sister’s house in Marymount.
and she put me on a bus and arranged
and I filled a duffel bag with my things
and I got on the bus and I traveled to Marymount
and when I got there I took a rideshare
and I gave the rideshare my address,
the address of my aunt and uncle’s house
and when I arrived it was about sunset
and I got out of the rideshare
And I looked and it was this incredible house.
I guess they call it a McMansion, but it was so big.
It was like a castle.
It had turrets and this huge wooden front door
with iron braces and a big lawn and statues everywhere
and fountains and what even looked like a moat.
And I just was amazed at how big and fancy the house was.
and I thought to myself, “Wow, this is going to be fun.
I’m going to live like a prince here for the next couple of weeks
until my mom finishes what she’s doing, and then I’ll go home.
I’m going to make the best of this.”
And while I was thinking this, I realized that I had left my duffel bag in the rideshare,
and the rideshare drove off.
So I ran after it, but it was already too far away.
And I’m out of shape anyways,
and I was huffing and puffing.
And then I went back and walked up the front path
to the front door.
And while I was walking up, it was getting dark
and it was kind of hard to see,
but I noticed something rustling in the bushes
by the side of the lawn on the border
between my aunt’s house and the next house and a little creature popped its
head out and I thought it was it looked it was really ugly looking with meaty
eyes and that pink nose and pointy ears I only learned later that it was an
opossum and it was staring at me and I stared back at it and it was munching on
something some kind of red berries and then it scratched itself and then then I
noticed I squinted I couldn’t believe my eyes but it was wearing some kind of
weird old-fashioned pointy three-pointed hat with a little feather tucked into it
it was scratching itself furiously and I I was trying to see if that really was a
hat sitting on its head and it waved at me but or did it was it just scratching
did it really wave at me? And then it ducked back under the bushes and I
decided to ignore it so I kept going I got to the front door and there was this
huge brass knocker and I noticed to the side there was a sign that said Dragon Eye
Home Guardian and I was I was worried that maybe no one was home and I might
set off the alarm so I tentatively grabbed the knocker it was really heavy
and really tall I had a tippy toe just to reach it and I pulled it back and I
let it go and wham it hit the door and I waited there was no answer so I knocked
again and then then I heard some steps behind the door and the door creaked
open. There was a tall skinny girl in an odd looking dress that was kind of plain
and she had a belt around the waist and it looked like it was almost like a
blanket with a hole cut in the neck and she was staring down at me that must be
and I thought that must be Alia or I said you must be Alia hi I’m your
cousin Lester you remember me it’s been a few years. Actually before I said that
Alia scowled at me with this stern look and and said where’s the package? And I
said where where’s the where’s the delivery where’s the item where’s the
box.” I said, “Oh, I didn’t bring a box. I brought a duffel bag, but I
forgot it in the ride share.” “No, the box. It’s me, Lester, your cousin. Don’t you
remember me? It’s been a few years. I’ve grown. You’ve grown a lot. I’m here
because my mom sent me here to stay with you. Did your parents tell you?” And Aliyah
said, “How do I know you’re my cousin? There are all sorts of charlatans and
knaves about in this neighborhood. You might be trying to trick me. You need to
prove to me that you’re worthy, that you’re of my bloodline. Your bloodline?
I’m your cousin. Of course I’m your… related.
Your mom is my aunt.
Well, let me ask you then. What is our family crest?
Family crest? I don’t know.
Alea frowned
and slammed the door in my face.
And I just stood there wondering what to do.
I was getting darker and darker and I could hear the sprinklers going on and all the lawns
in the neighborhood and the rustling in the bushes.
And so I knocked again and then I heard some voices, not just one voice but several voices.
It sounded like they were arguing.
finally the door creaked open and there was Aliyah and behind her were my aunt and uncle.
And they nudged her and said, “Go on, go on, go on.” And Aliyah sighed and finally said, “Come in, enter.”
And so I stepped inside and they hugged me and greeted me and they apologized and they said, “Oh
I’m sorry about Aliyah. She gets a little bit carried away with this role playing sometimes.
You must be… you must have had a long journey. You must be tired.
Where dinner is just about ready, but there’s still time for you to go upstairs and
get settled and maybe you wash your face if you want to. So Aliyah, please take Lester up to your
room and help him get settled and make him feel welcome. And then they, the little Aliyah’s brother
who was only a tiny baby when I saw him last was a toddler now and he was running around screaming
his head off and they they had to they followed him back into the kitchen and I was left there
with Aliyah and Aliyah scowled at me again and then she said follow me and she strode
two steps at a time up the staircase
and I followed after her. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” she said.

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler cover

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler

Another Shameless Wimpy Kid Parody
By Jest Ninney

Confessions of a Hallway Hustler is the rollicking tale of Anton Altanero, a foreign transplant with delusions of grandeur, navigating the wilds of a typical American middle school. It's Diary of a Wimpy Kid meets Scarface, without the guns but with all the greed and ambition.

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