I realized while drafting Part 1 of Kingdom of Fief, a medieval comedy-fantasy I’ve been working on for the past few months, that the protagonist’s desire line isn’t strong enough to propel the story forward.
So this week, I revised it. I wanted to make her immediate goal more clear and to cut the timeline down to one action-packed day.
Here’s the revised Part 1 outline:
1) Lester arrives by bus/ride share, loses his bag, sees Beady in the bushes, Aliyah refuses him entrance
2) Aliyah shows Lester her room, her KoF collection, Lester questions her obsession (to go to KoF to be knighted), Aliyah calls out Lester for being a knave (cowardly, dishonorable, faithless)
3) packages arrives, Aliyah has Lester fetch it, while they’re unpacking the armor, parents catch them, Lester covers for Aliyah, parents threaten to cancel trip to KoF
4) next morning, Lester wakes, see Beady outside again, discovers that Aliyah, in her armor, stayed up all night praying to Tinkle [?]
5) bus to school — Aliyah has Lester carry a case to school, they get school bus, Aliyah in full armor (Tinkle tucked into her breastplate)
6) home room — Skippy & his henchmen interrogate Lester, try to prank Aliyah, she challenges them to a duel to the death, teacher has no record of Lester, Aliyah “vouches” for him
7) math class — tips as percentages lesson, balks at schoolwork, language arts class — Aliyah balks at Connecticut Yankee, democracy, middle-class pragmatism
8) afternoon — prepping for Med Faire, Aliyah arms herself with sword in case, Lester learns its origins — maybe its an authentic relic (which turns out to be replica), Skippy antagonizes her — parents visit her in tent — confront her about armor — how much it costs — cancel KoF trip
9) joust — Skippy taunts Aliyah (she refuses any advantage), defeats her by a dirty trick, Aliyah draws her sword, breaks it, disqualified
10) principal’s office (with parents) — punishment, after school cleanup duty, Uncle Mo asks Lester to look after her
11) dumpster — Skippy & his henchmen haze Lester, Aliyah vanquishes them, Beady invites Aliyah to “real” KoF for “real” knighting, she accepts, Lester jumps with her down the magic portal
