Dearest friends, brave souls all, please lend\u2026umm\u2026an ear. For I sing to you the song of Sir Aliyah, Knight-Errant.
First Among Equals in the Order of the Frilly Garter.
Most Cherished Champion of Her Royal Highness, the fairest and most kindly Queen Gwennifer.
And who am I who presumes to be worthy enough to tell the tale of such a celebrated knight?
I am none other than Lester Louche, Squire to Sir Aliyah. Who happens to be my older cousin.
I sing of how Sir Aliyah completed the perilous quest for the Magnificent, the Mysterious, the Many-faced MacGuffin where none before had succeeded. And of how Sir Aliyah, by wits and valor, saved the Magical Kingdom of Fief from certain doom.
I never sang a song like this before. Or any song, really, except for maybe \u201cTwinkle, twinkle\u201d when I was little. I hope I don\u2019t mess it up.
Our tale begins not in Fief, but In Real Life \u2014 in the town of Merrymount. That\u2019s where my cousin\u2019s family lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo let me get this straight. You\u2019re a spy from the CIA on a top secret mission. You need to borrow all the guns in my shop so you can travel back through a magic portal and use them to defeat an army of knights and save a kingdom. But not just any kingdom. The Kingdom of Fief \u2014 like the theme park.\u201d
\u201cCorrect.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s quite a story, little guy.\u201d
\u201cI assure you, sir. It\u2019s all completely true. And you\u2019ll be doing your country a great service.\u201d
\u201cYou know you\u2019re not fooling anyone with that getup.\u201d
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d
\u201cThe trench coat. The sunglasses. I hope you didn\u2019t shoplift them from the thrift store. Those folks work hard. And what\u2019s that thing under your nose? It\u2019s definitely not a mustache. It looks like a mouse that got squashed by a truck.\u201d
\u201cSir. It\u2019s a matter of national security. \u201d
\u201cThe deep voice is cute too. Did you practice that in front of the mirror?\u201d
\u201cThere\u2019s no time to lose.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019ve been running this pawn shop for over twenty years. Let me tell you, I\u2019ve had some pretty interesting characters pass through here. But never in all my years have I seen this. This might just top them all.\u201d
\u201cSir, I must insist.\u201d
\u201cYou do know guns are dangerous, don\u2019t you? Definitely off limits for kids.\u201d
\u201cI assure you\u2014\u201d
\u201cCan I see some ID?\u201d
\u201cID?\u201d
\u201cYeah, your badge or whatever you agents carry around with you.\u201d
\u201cI don\u2019t have ID. That would compromise my cover.\u201d
\u201cBecca! Are you still back there? Becca!\u201d
\u201cWhat, Dad?\u201d
\u201cExcuse me for a second, buddy. Stay put. I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust keep him talking. He\u2019s a kid. He\u2019s obviously, you know, ill. I need to see if I can track down his folks. Get him home. Get him some help. Fine. I\u2019ll give you another 30 minutes of phone time. No, not right now. After. Fine. An hour. Just keep him talking while I make some calls.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey.\u201d \u201cIsn\u2019t that the theme park where nerds dress up in silly outfits and pretend they\u2019re living in the Dark Ages.\u201d \u201cYour cousin is a knight.\u201d The old frame Dearest friends, brave souls all, please lend\u2026umm\u2026an ear. For I sing to you the song of Sir Aliyah, Knight-Errant.First Among Equals in the Order of the Frilly Garter.Most Cherished Champion of Her Royal Highness, the fairest and most kindly Queen Gwennifer.And who am I who presumes to be worthy enough to tell … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-process","no-featured-image-padding"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=132"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":135,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions\/135"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seanmiller.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\u201cHello, young lady.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m thirteen. And definitely not a lady. How old are you?\u201d
\u201cWhy, I\u2019m thirty\u2014\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m guessing ten. Is that right?\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019re mistaken, miss.\u201d
\u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d
\u201cMy name? My name is\u2026um\u2026Page\u2026I mean Squire. Lester Squire.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m Becca. Nice to meet you. Where you from?\u201d
\u201cFrom?\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019re not very good at thinking on your feat, are you? Or lying.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m very good at lying. I\u2019m a spy. That\u2019s my job.\u201d
\u201cReally? Tell me about this place you have to save.\u201d
\u201cYou heard all that?\u201d
\u201cI hear everything in the back room. You said it was based on the Kingdom of Fief.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s Fief like thief. Not knife.\u201d
\u201cSure, whatever. The Kingdom of Fief.\u201d
\u201cAnd not based on. It is<\/em> the Kingdom of Fief.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Kingdom of Fief is a magical place, [ALIYAH used to believe this] ruled by the wise and just King Courtois and the most fair and gracious Queen Gwennifer.\u201d
\u201cSounds like you\u2019ve drunk the Kool-Aid. You said it was in trouble. Did the king screw up?\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s complicated.\u201d
\u201cA war?\u201d
\u201cYes.\u201d
\u201cA bunch of dudes covered in metal shells trying to stab each other to death with long pointy sticks. Sounds messy. I can see why you\u2019d want guns. But why go back? You\u2019re better off sticking around here \u2014 in, you know, the real world.\u201d
\u201cBecause my cousin is there, and she needs my help. They put her in charge of the peasant army. If I don\u2019t get back soon, she\u2019s going to do something really brave \u2014 and stupid \u2014 and get herself killed. I need to save her.\u201d
\u201cSo you\u2019re not a spy.\u201d
\u201cOkay. I\u2019m not a spy. I admit it. But I do have a cousin. Who\u2019s a knight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know it sounds crazy. When it all happened, I thought it was crazy too. But the Kingdom of Fief is real.\u201d
\u201cTo be honest, I\u2019m a bit confused. Tell you what. Park yourself on this stool. Take off that coat. What is that? Are you one of those\u2014\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s a squire\u2019s uniform. I\u2019m a squire.\u201d
\u201cEsquire? So now you\u2019re a lawyer.\u201d
\u201cSquires serve knights.\u201d
\u201cSo you\u2019re your cousin\u2019s squire?\u201d
\u201cCorrect.\u201d
\u201cOkay, super. You\u2019re a squire. Great. It looks uncomfortable, that costume, but okay, sit down and make yourself nice and cozy. Go ahead and make your case.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m in a hurry.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019ll cut you a deal. If you can convince me what you\u2019re saying is true, I\u2019ll help you. Help you, a squire, save your cousin, a knight, who\u2019s trapped in la-la land. How does that sound?\u201d
\u201cI really need to get going.\u201d
\u201cNo explanation, no deal.\u201d
\u201cCan\u2019t you just let me have the guns? I\u2019ll bring them back. I promise. Preferably, the big ones.\u201d
\u201cBegin at the beginning.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"